Tito, my Dalmatian dog, had been agitating for his walk. It was a frozen February afternoon and the roads and pavements were encrusted with ice, the previous week’s snow compressed by foot-fall into an undulating glacier.
A sane option would have been to limit the walk to the end of the road, a five minute jaunt on a flat, non-hazardous track. But no, my dog had abundant energy and my boots had rugged soles so I opted for the usual two-mile circuit. The inevitable happened on a downward slope by the nearby woods. The fall was spectacular; my front foot sped out from under me, my other foot (in trying to compensate) followed suit, propelling me into the air where I seemed to hover parallel to the ground before crash-landing on my back with a sickening thud.
Despite the acute pain radiating from my arse, my foremost anxiety was whether my plummet had been witnessed. As I gingerly lifted myself into a sitting position my humiliation was confirmed, a party of four adults and twice as many children were walking up the slope towards me, concern etched on their faces. I raised my hand to signal I was unharmed. At this moment 70 pounds of excitable Dalmatian leaped over my shoulders, his dangly bits coming to rest against the nape of my neck. Temporally marooned in this straddle position, Tito panicked and instinctively humped the back of my head as if I was a bitch on heat.
I still wonder how those parents explained Tito’s behavior to their offspring.
|Tito wearing his football team's colors.|
Rest in peace, my beautiful hound
I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes: http://dudewrite.blogspot.com)
Oh man, this is excellent. So many degrees of embarrassment in such a short span of time. I'm sorry for your misery, but it makes for a hilarious story.ReplyDelete
Also...sorry to hear Tito's gone. It's always sad to lose a pet!
Thanks for the generous comments, Daniel.ReplyDelete
Yes, Tito was a great companion. Not the brightest, big and clumsy but totally devoted. I do miss him.
Hilarious! I mean, so sorry your head was dry humped.ReplyDelete
Being humped by your own dog in front of a live audience does rate highly in my league table of embarrassing moments.Delete
You didn't slip.ReplyDelete
Your dalmatian tripped you for the sole purpose of teabagging you in front of all those people.
Dogs are awesome, and it seems Tito was no exception.
Great story, man.
This is how paranoia starts!Delete
And until 2-months ago I wouldn't have known what "teabagging" meant, but my 22-year old son explained it to me upon his return from a Greek holiday with seven of his mates.
Thanks for your interest.
Oh my God, I was reading this, thinking, oh, that's happened to me tons of times with my dog...I fall on my butt on the ice all the time walking him. But then I got to the dangly bits on your neck and the humping, and thank the gods of all canines that I have never experienced that particular humiliation. But I'm really glad your shared it with us, because it was hysterical :)ReplyDelete
Tito was a handsome fella! I'm sorry you've lost your buddy.
I'm glad you liked hearing about one of my (all-too-frequent) humiliating episodes. It mustn't have been an edifying sight to the onlookers.Delete
Nothing like getting humped when you're already down.ReplyDelete
You're right, Youngman, I think I'd prefer to be kicked.ReplyDelete
Yeah, I'm not a fan of being caressed by dogie dangly bits either.ReplyDelete
I'm with you on that one, Joe. I can think of many things I'd prefer to be caressed by.ReplyDelete
Nothing quite like some public humiliation. Damn dangly bits. Very funny story!ReplyDelete
Yep, those dangly bits get everywhere!Delete
Thanks, Pam, for taking the time to comment.
unfortunately,I can picture this.ReplyDelete
Please accept my apologies for triggering intrusive and disturbing images!Delete
This is AWESOME! Hey, I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you, I swear…..hehehehe!!!ReplyDelete
I believe you, Marcia - honest!Delete
OMG that's hysterical!! *giggling* You were tea-bagged in front of an audience. Not many people get to say that.ReplyDelete
sorry your lil buddy has gone to the rainbow bridge. What a precious fellah.
Yes, humped by a canine in broad daylight in front of a crowd of spectators!Delete