It is often said that when you live with the same person
over many years you grow more and more alike. In our house this phenomenon is
most apparent in regards to our newly-fitted shower cubicle.
Mrs Jones is rather obsessive when it comes to cleaning our
house. Following the recent fitting of our spanking new bathroom, it was no
surprise to find her devoting three hours each week to scrubbing the glass and
tiles so as to maintain their sparkle. Her urge to cleanse was, she told me,
mainly activated by her noticing water stains on the sides of the shower unit.
To counter these triggers, she bought a squeegee – those plastic-handled
implements with the rubber edge, commonly used by window cleaners. She told me
that she uses this squeegee to remove the drips from all four sides of the
cubicle (two tiled, two glass) immediately after each shower. Strategically, she
left the device hanging from one of the bathroom fittings.
Immediately following my daily rinse, I now feel compelled
to replicate my wife’s cleaning behaviour. If anyone was unfortunate enough to
spy on my after-shower routine in the cubicle, this is what they would witness:
STEP 1 – Turn off the sprinkler and pick up the squeegee.
STEP 2 – Standing on tiptoes, dripping wet, stretch and
place the squeegee at the top of one glass wall, and slide it downwards to the
floor in one smooth, squeaky stroke, while being mesmerised by the strangely
addictive droplets of water toing and froing in all directions as if to evade
capture.
STEP 3 – Upon reaching the crouch position at the bottom of
the stroke, I contemplate how my scrotum swings dangerously close to the shower
floor; another few years and I fear my balls will slap against the plastic base
like two sloppy dollops of Play-doh.
STEP 4: Repeat the above, stretching up and down as if in an
exercise class, until all of the glass wall is completely free of rogue
droplets.
STEP 5: Turn 90 degrees and follow the same procedure with
tiled wall only to find that, as I bend, my arse cheeks leave a soggy, two-crescent
imprint on the previously cleansed glass which then requires more strokes of my
squeegee.
STEPS 6 to 12: Repeat all the above, involving a psychedelic
kaleidoscope of gangly bits and hairy rump.
So each morning I spend a half-hour in the bathroom: five
minutes to shower and 25 minutes to clean the damn thing. But it does continue
to sparkle.
Mrs. Jones is damn lucky to have you, Mr. Bryan Jones!
ReplyDeleteIsn't she just!
DeleteMaybe you should consider visiting a Turkish bath for your ablutions. If you never use the shower, you'll never have to clean it.
ReplyDeleteEver the source of all wisdom, GB.
DeleteJust laughing so much here! At our other house if we didn't squeegee the shower walls, aside from spotting badly, they tended to lead to mold near the base. Nasty stuff. So we also had to do that after each shower so I understand your entire story! Our new shower that he built for me in this house is a huge walk in with enough air to keep the walls dry - BUT now I have to deal with water gathering in places on the floor. Sigh. At least this time I get to use an electric Hoover floor cleaner that cleans then sucks up water (weekly not after each shower)! I agree with Kim up there! Then again, you just blessed to have a woman who will actually clean - so many have been "delivered" from cleaning (smile)! (no not me)
ReplyDeleteSo you have a lot of insight into my shower situation LBD. If my lady gets wind of your electrical water sucker, she'll definitely want one. And that's got me thinking about what I'd be doing, naked and wet, with powered suction and a squeegee - I'll just reflect on that one for a moment.
DeleteYou should give "Husband Lessons", Mr. Jones!
ReplyDeleteI know - I'm such a modern man!
DeleteLOL you're a real trooper my friend, because I would always pretend to not notice it, or even throw it out a window...just saying.
ReplyDeleteWeirdly enough, Mike, I think I've grown to enjoy it!!
DeleteNo.#3 OMG!!! You're killin' me here!!
ReplyDeleteYou might not like to admit it, Marcia, but I've always suspected that your sense of humour is on the same level as mine!
DeleteMy first fascination with the squeegee was as a child who watched gas station attendants clean the windshield while the gas was pumping. Later it would be seeing the street beggars running to the car while the traffic light was red with squeegee in hand, hoping for a few coins or a dollar.
ReplyDeleteNOW I have another VIEW or two to add to my squeegee memories! Ha!
By the way, no way I'd do that job. (Maybe a quick swipe with a towel though.) I'm moving toward being one of those delivered women (as mentioned by your friend above).
Great to hear that I've extended your squeegee-image collection!
DeleteThey do recommend at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. And if leaving butt prints and slapping your scrotum against the floor isn't exercise, I'll be damned if I know what is!
ReplyDeleteOh, it's good exercise alright. You could say I'm knackered by the time I've finished!
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