It is often said that when you live with the same person over many years you grow more and more alike. In our house this phenomenon is most apparent in regards to our newly-fitted shower cubicle.
Mrs Jones is rather obsessive when it comes to cleaning our house. Following the recent fitting of our spanking new bathroom, it was no surprise to find her devoting three hours each week to scrubbing the glass and tiles so as to maintain their sparkle. Her urge to cleanse was, she told me, mainly activated by her noticing water stains on the sides of the shower unit. To counter these triggers, she bought a squeegee – those plastic-handled implements with the rubber edge, commonly used by window cleaners. She told me that she uses this squeegee to remove the drips from all four sides of the cubicle (two tiled, two glass) immediately after each shower. Strategically, she left the device hanging from one of the bathroom fittings.
Immediately following my daily rinse, I now feel compelled to replicate my wife’s cleaning behaviour. If anyone was unfortunate enough to spy on my after-shower routine in the cubicle, this is what they would witness:
STEP 1 – Turn off the sprinkler and pick up the squeegee.
STEP 2 – Standing on tiptoes, dripping wet, stretch and place the squeegee at the top of one glass wall, and slide it downwards to the floor in one smooth, squeaky stroke, while being mesmerised by the strangely addictive droplets of water toing and froing in all directions as if to evade capture.
STEP 3 – Upon reaching the crouch position at the bottom of the stroke, I contemplate how my scrotum swings dangerously close to the shower floor; another few years and I fear my balls will slap against the plastic base like two sloppy dollops of Play-doh.
STEP 4: Repeat the above, stretching up and down as if in an exercise class, until all of the glass wall is completely free of rogue droplets.
STEP 5: Turn 90 degrees and follow the same procedure with tiled wall only to find that, as I bend, my arse cheeks leave a soggy, two-crescent imprint on the previously cleansed glass which then requires more strokes of my squeegee.
STEPS 6 to 12: Repeat all the above, involving a psychedelic kaleidoscope of gangly bits and hairy rump.
So each morning I spend a half-hour in the bathroom: five minutes to shower and 25 minutes to clean the damn thing. But it does continue to sparkle.
Mrs. Jones is damn lucky to have you, Mr. Bryan Jones!ReplyDelete
Isn't she just!Delete
Maybe you should consider visiting a Turkish bath for your ablutions. If you never use the shower, you'll never have to clean it.ReplyDelete
Ever the source of all wisdom, GB.Delete
Just laughing so much here! At our other house if we didn't squeegee the shower walls, aside from spotting badly, they tended to lead to mold near the base. Nasty stuff. So we also had to do that after each shower so I understand your entire story! Our new shower that he built for me in this house is a huge walk in with enough air to keep the walls dry - BUT now I have to deal with water gathering in places on the floor. Sigh. At least this time I get to use an electric Hoover floor cleaner that cleans then sucks up water (weekly not after each shower)! I agree with Kim up there! Then again, you just blessed to have a woman who will actually clean - so many have been "delivered" from cleaning (smile)! (no not me)ReplyDelete
So you have a lot of insight into my shower situation LBD. If my lady gets wind of your electrical water sucker, she'll definitely want one. And that's got me thinking about what I'd be doing, naked and wet, with powered suction and a squeegee - I'll just reflect on that one for a moment.Delete
You should give "Husband Lessons", Mr. Jones!ReplyDelete
I know - I'm such a modern man!Delete
LOL you're a real trooper my friend, because I would always pretend to not notice it, or even throw it out a window...just saying.ReplyDelete
Weirdly enough, Mike, I think I've grown to enjoy it!!Delete
No.#3 OMG!!! You're killin' me here!!ReplyDelete
You might not like to admit it, Marcia, but I've always suspected that your sense of humour is on the same level as mine!Delete
My first fascination with the squeegee was as a child who watched gas station attendants clean the windshield while the gas was pumping. Later it would be seeing the street beggars running to the car while the traffic light was red with squeegee in hand, hoping for a few coins or a dollar.ReplyDelete
NOW I have another VIEW or two to add to my squeegee memories! Ha!
By the way, no way I'd do that job. (Maybe a quick swipe with a towel though.) I'm moving toward being one of those delivered women (as mentioned by your friend above).
Great to hear that I've extended your squeegee-image collection!Delete
They do recommend at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. And if leaving butt prints and slapping your scrotum against the floor isn't exercise, I'll be damned if I know what is!ReplyDelete
Oh, it's good exercise alright. You could say I'm knackered by the time I've finished!Delete