Friday 11 December 2015

It used to be fun

For each of the last 25 years Mrs Jones and I have invited our parents to our home for Christmas dinner. This time we’ve made a momentous decision: it’s not happening!  
Courtesy of Apolonia at
FreeDigitalPhotos.net


It used to be fun. Those hours spent in the kitchen preparing the traditional feast would be rewarded later in the day by a sense of mischief and family togetherness: in the early years, the kids excitedly introducing their grandparents to their favourite gifts from Santa; the grown-ups engaging in alcohol-fuelled banter around the meal table; and poignant reminiscing in the evening about the tales of our own childhoods, stories that still amused despite yearly repetition.

The decline started with the death of my father-in-law a decade ago. We all miss Henry; his whacky comments about ‘the good old days’, delivered in a dialect that only his trusted inner circle could understand, always generated a lively debate, and one couldn’t help but recognise that – despite some of his more extreme pronouncements –  underneath, there lived a kind, generous human being. More recently his widow, Sheila, has succumbed to that terrible, dignity-stripping brain disease called Alzheimer’s, her memory for new events lasting no longer than a few seconds. Although my own parents, both in their mid-80s, are in good physical health, my mother is profoundly deaf and my father is obsessed with his Golden Retriever to such a degree that he feels increasingly uncomfortable about leaving his beloved dog at home alone for longer than a couple of hours.

Typically, while Mrs Jones and I – clad in psychedelically-coloured pinafores and sweating like condemned convicts on death row - slice carrots and baste turkey in the kitchen, in the living room bizarre goings-on are afoot:

 Sheila: ‘Has Ryan (25-year-old grandson) got a girlfriend yet?’

 Mum: ‘Sorry, Sheila, I’m a bit deaf – you’ll have to speak up.’

 Sheila: ‘Has Ryan got himself a girlfriend yet?’

 Mum: (turning to face dad): ‘What’s she saying, Harry?’

 Dad: (stroking his eyebrow while lost in in deep thought about the current wellbeing of his dog)’What was who saying?’
Mum: ‘Sheila has asked me something.’

 Dad: ‘What did you say, Sheila?’

 Sheila: ‘Has Ryan got himself a girlfriend yet?’

 Dad (turning to face mum): ‘She’s asking if our Ryan has got himself a girlfriend yet.’

 Mum (turning back to face Sheila): Oh, yes – he’s got himself a lovely young lady called Faith. They’ve been together for over a year.’

 Sheila: ‘Very good.’

 [SILENCE FOR 15 SECONDS]

 Sheila: ‘Has Ryan got himself a girlfriend yet?’

 
In the aftermath of Christmas 2014, it struck me: no one is enjoying this habitual façade, so why are we subjecting ourselves to it? So this year, at 4.00 pm on the 25th December the family (me, Mrs Jones, our parents and our two 20-something children) will be secreted around a table in the local tavern being served the traditional Christmas dinner, swilled down with copious quantities of fine wine. After two hours, a minibus will collect us and return us all to my home where we will, in turn, select golden-oldie tunes from You-tube and reminisce. At 8.30 pm the minibus will return and take our parents home – much to the relief of our parents, as well as the Golden Retriever – leaving Mrs Jones and I some quality time to devote to our two wonderful offspring and each other.

Sorted!    

 

 

 

      

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

21 comments:

  1. Now that's what I like to hear. No fuss, just fun, and plenty of time to relax without having to force a conversation out.

    Now, what happens if that bus breaks down? ha ha ha. You better have Plan B in place. Get the offspring to sort some knackering games out, ha ha ha.

    Hope you have a truly wonderful day.

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    1. I think plan B is we all stay at home and sod it!! Thanks for reading and commenting and here's hoping your festive season is an enjoyable one

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    2. Hey Rum Punch!

      Hope all is going well with you.

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  2. This sounded eerily similar to a conversation we had this morning. The overall theme of "It's just not as fun as it used to be," while not specifically said, was on everyone's mind. The idea of a trip from Pennsylvania to Virginia weighed heavily on our minds. Mrs. Penwasser said (and I concur), "We'll maybe leave early in the morning on Christmas Eve and leave no later than the morning of December 26th." That it's to visit her father (the reason we go there is because the man is 87) made it even sadder. Eventually, it will be just us and the two kids (even though, ironically, our son works in Virginia Beach, which is where we'll be going. He'll eventually have to come north to see us!). Part of me feels guilty that I'm looking forward to it.
    Your plan this year sounds wonderful.
    Merry Christmas to you and yours!

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    1. They're the kind of habit that persist, not because they're fun, but because we fear the consequences of stopping something that everyone has come to expect.
      Season's greeting to you, Al, and your family.

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  3. I so understand. Alpha Hubby and I broke tradition the year before my mom passed. We took vacation, had Alpha Son bring her down, and we *gasp horrors* ate at a German restaurant for T-giving dinner. Every one of us loved it. We no longer tie ourselves to traditions that choke out the fun in life!! Christmas changed up some, too. Last year I pre-ordered everything except the mashed potatoes. It was delish and neither Alpha Hubby nor I were slaving over a hot stove while everyone else was playing around. Sad as it also is, that conversation was funny, sort of!

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    1. I like your style, LBD. It is bizarre how we can become a slave to tradition. Sending Xmas joy from Lancashire, UK.

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  4. It sounds like you're finally going to have the relaxing stress-free Christmas you've been imagining. My mother in ninety and hasn't accepted an invitation to our home in five years. So we'll be having a fun time without her.

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    1. I feel I know your mother really, really well!
      Enjoy the Christmas break.

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  5. I think your plan sounds perfect. I made this decision on Thanksgiving last month. I did not gather wth my extended family and instead just had my own children over for dinner with their significant others. It was such a relaxed holiday----no stress--and the best decision I could have made. Enjoy your Christmas, my friend.

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    1. Thank you for your supportive comments. It's reassuring to hear how other people have broken free of slavish traditions. Wishing you and your family a happy Christmas from the UK.

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  6. Great plan, Bryan Jones.
    Sometimes it's so much easier to just change our traditions rather than stress over them. Life is TOO short.
    I love your stories, dialogue, and just about everything about clicking into your universe.
    Happy Christmas w/ Mrs. Jones, children, extended family, and the golden retriever!!
    xxx from MN.

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  7. I appreciate your generous comments, Kim. Reciprocal best wishes speeding across the Atlantic to you and your family.

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  8. That plan isn't half bad! Any plan that doesn't involve me cooking is something I can get behind (and people who'd have to eat my food, too.)

    The less time spent preparing, the more time you've all got for each other...and the golden retriever, of course!

    Merry upcoming Christmas!

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    1. My good lady does most of the cooking throughout the year, but I tend to be called on when joints require roasting. But this year we're going to be served by others, so should be good. Watch this space.

      Wishing you and your family a thrilling Xmas.

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  9. Yup. No cooking for us. We are travelling this holiday to a relative's house out of state for a few days over Christmas. Just kicking back and letting them do the cooking. I'm just drinking egg nog!

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    1. Sounds like a great plan, Phil. Let's hope it's an enjoyable festive season for you - a chance to recharge your battery after that Caribbean cruise!

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  10. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours!

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    1. The same message bounced back to you from across the pond. Have a good one, Phil.

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  11. I just had the best belly-laugh before I even finished reading this post! The uh... conversation? between Mum, Sheila, and Dad took me to conversations that I have with my mother and stepfather. Just on the phone with her this afternoon - right in the middle of a sentence of mine, she starts screaming a command to my stepfather who has a slight bit of dementia. No "excuse me," warning or anything. Actually, this happens often. Other times, I explain computer usage problems to her via phone. That requires "the patience of Job!"
    I do love them so; challenging as it is. I hope I remember to give my kids a break when I'm 82.
    As for your Christmas dinner out - Good for you! I can't wait for my family to come to their senses.
    Happy New Year!

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    1. Great to hear that you can identify with these bizarre systems of communication. And like you, I'm determined not to put my own kids through it when I get older.

      Thanks for reading & commenting. And a happy 2016 to you and your family.

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