Saturday 12 January 2013

Bye-bye beer-belly


On Christmas morning I discovered an extraordinary slimming aid. It will inspire all rotund, middle-aged men to pursue an ambitious weight loss program and, as it will achieve a 100% success rate, it will earn me millions of dollars. 

For at least a decade I have known I’m a tad on the portly side. My trouser size is 36-inch waist. Forty years of guzzling fine ale has inflated my mid-riff. Last year, when I attended my doctor’s surgery for my over-50s health check, the practice-nurse announced that my 15-stone bulk put me on the cusp of the official obese range; to achieve a healthy weight required the loss of 50 pounds. My 22-year-old son has constantly sniped about my lack of fitness and how I hold my belly in at social events, especially when I’m trying to impress the ladies – “breathe out dad,” he taunts as he passes me at family parties.

Prior to the 25th December 2012, none of these reminders of being over-weight had instilled any motivation to embark on a reducing regime. I have continued to eat what I want and avoid all exercise. But all this changed within 15 minutes of opening the Christmas present from my 18-year old daughter.

Becca had bought me a “onesie.” For anyone not familiar with a onesie, it is a one-piece hooded garment that zips up the front, usually worn as cozy night-attire. Becca has one and looks really good in hers. She insisted I try mine on and then proceeded to take pictures.         


                                                                      


Since 11.00 am on Christmas Day morning I have resisted spooning sugar into my tea and coffee, eliminated French-fries from my diet and endure a daily dose of press-ups and leg-lifts. I have reduced my beer intake (apart from the 10 pints on New Year’s Eve, but hey, that’s tradition). Even more worthy of note is that, since the turn of the year, three times per week at 6.00 am (when few people can see me), I jog the streets of my neighborhood.

I’ve already patented the “onesie and photo” combination as a phenomenal motivational aid for over-weight, middle-aged men and await the surge in my personal fortune.     




I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes: http://dudewrite.blogspot.com)

        



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32 comments:

  1. First, I'd be happy with a thirty-six inch waist. Second, could you send me that onesie when you're finished with it? Or is that a hoodie?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe a 36-inch waist isn't huge - but you're forgetting something Stephen: I'm shallow and vain!

      It would be a hoodie if I looked mean and menacing (rather than silly and ridiculous).

      Delete
  2. whatever it takes to get on the health bandwagon is a good thing!
    have you been wearing your onsie anyway? it looks comfy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, Sherilin, I haven't had it on since Christmas day. I'll unleash it again if my motivation to exercise begins to wane.

      Delete
  3. It's amazing what a profile view will do. I was a solid 180 with a gut and started walking. Now I'm a solid 179 but with much less gut. (Muscle weighs more than fat)

    I have to imagine seeing myself in a onesie would have had similar reaction from me and much laughter from the kids.

    WG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a wobbly 210, but watch this space! It's amazing what a generous dose of vanity can do.

      I struggle to believe that any man (particularly one over 40) can look anything other than ridiculous in a onesie.

      Delete
  4. Good for you Bryan! I too am in the process of loosing weight. I'm getting married sometime in the next year or so, and don't want people to confuse me with a beached wale while enjoying the sun on a tropical island. Good luck!

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    Replies
    1. I wish you success in your weight-loss program, Michael. Perhaps we can compare notes over the next few months as the poundage falls off us.

      Delete
  5. That photo cracked me up, but it might have anyway, even without the little belly sticking out. But even though they are silly, I think I would love one of those! So snuggly :)

    Keep up with the good work. I am just starting to finally run again myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm pleased that it amused - it had the same effect on my wife and kids!

      Delete
  6. If it's any consolation, that isn't the worst thing I've seen all week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, but as I pointed out to the other Stephen, I'm shallow and vain!

      Delete
  7. Dude, I have bad news for you. No matter how much weight you lose, grown men still don't look good in a onesie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suspect you're write, Joe. But perhaps there are varying degrees of looking bad?

      Delete
  8. Dude, 36 inch waist? That's anorexic compared to lots of guys.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes my friend, I sure you're right. But most other guys aren't shallow and vain like me!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I can't help but wonder, if you'd run a whole lot faster if you ran in your new onsie? It's not that you look bad in it, but I think with it on, you would want to get off the street as quickly as possible?

    And honestly, 36 inch isn't all that bad?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ken, I don't think I'll be making public appearances in my onesie any time soon! But you're right, wearing it outside would certainly motivate me to quicken up.

      Delete
  11. Good for you, man! I had a similar awakening a month ago, and have been watching what I eat and exercising regularly. Feels good to sweat, doesn't it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not sure yet that it feels good to sweat, Youngman. But once I've stopped panting like a bitch on heat, I do feel better for it.

      Delete
  12. good for you!!! good luck. feeling fit makes you feel better in many ways..

    ReplyDelete
  13. I appreciate the encouragement - I will need it to keep at it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I looked at the photo and said to myself
    "Welcome to. My world"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone, John.

      Delete
  15. That photo is hilarious! I have never heard of a onesie aside from the ones babies wear. I have been on a fitness kick for about 9 months. I have lost 15 lbs and am at the gym often. And for the record Mr. Jones I have not given up one tiny drop of beer. It's all about the food. And that is the truth. If I may suggest a very funny and inspiring read try "Drop Dead Healthy" by A.J. Jacobs. I guarantee you will laugh out loud more than a few times and learn some great, reasonable tips about dropping some poundage!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congratulations Pam on your own weight-loss. I've no intention of giving up on beer - that would be a step too far! Thanks for the reference - I'll track it down.

      Best wishes

      Delete
  16. Your good fortune may not be in cash, but in health. Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yes, you're probably right, Charlotte.

    I appreciate the encouragement.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Over here from Hump Day Hook-up! I think I need to get my husband a onsie! Though, to his credit, he has lost 20 lbs since our friendly family challenge started Jan. 1. Perhaps it's because our team name is "Southern Flabs"....

    ReplyDelete
  19. Well, I certainly vouch for the onsie method. It was the Christmas-before-last and I remain 20 pounds lighter today. Humiliation and shame are potent motivators!
    Thanks for dropping in.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wow, I must get one of these! It may finally motivate me to get rid of my muffin top.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Women - particularly those under the age of 30 - can look good in them. So you should be ok?
      Thanks for dropping by.

      Delete