On Christmas morning I discovered
an extraordinary slimming aid. It will inspire all rotund, middle-aged men to
pursue an ambitious weight loss program and, as it will achieve a 100% success
rate, it will earn me millions of dollars.
For at least a decade I have known
I’m a tad on the portly side. My trouser size is 36-inch waist. Forty years of
guzzling fine ale has inflated my mid-riff. Last year, when I attended my
doctor’s surgery for my over-50s health check, the practice-nurse announced
that my 15-stone bulk put me on the cusp of the official obese range; to
achieve a healthy weight required the loss of 50 pounds. My 22-year-old son has
constantly sniped about my lack of fitness and how I hold my belly in at social
events, especially when I’m trying to impress the ladies – “breathe out dad,”
he taunts as he passes me at family parties.
Prior to the 25th
December 2012, none of these reminders of being over-weight had instilled any
motivation to embark on a reducing regime. I have continued to eat what I want
and avoid all exercise. But all this changed within 15 minutes of opening the
Christmas present from my 18-year old daughter.
Becca had bought me a “onesie.”
For anyone not familiar with a onesie, it is a one-piece hooded garment that zips
up the front, usually worn as cozy night-attire. Becca has one and looks really
good in hers. She insisted I try mine on and then proceeded to take pictures.
Since 11.00 am on Christmas Day
morning I have resisted spooning sugar into my tea and coffee, eliminated
French-fries from my diet and endure a daily dose of press-ups and leg-lifts. I
have reduced my beer intake (apart from the 10 pints on New Year’s Eve, but
hey, that’s tradition). Even more worthy of note is that, since the turn of the
year, three times per week at 6.00 am (when few people can see me), I jog the
streets of my neighborhood.
I’ve already patented the “onesie
and photo” combination as a phenomenal motivational aid for over-weight,
middle-aged men and await the surge in my personal fortune.
I am participating in
the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week
where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be
dudes: http://dudewrite.blogspot.com)
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First, I'd be happy with a thirty-six inch waist. Second, could you send me that onesie when you're finished with it? Or is that a hoodie?
ReplyDeleteMaybe a 36-inch waist isn't huge - but you're forgetting something Stephen: I'm shallow and vain!
DeleteIt would be a hoodie if I looked mean and menacing (rather than silly and ridiculous).
whatever it takes to get on the health bandwagon is a good thing!
ReplyDeletehave you been wearing your onsie anyway? it looks comfy.
No, Sherilin, I haven't had it on since Christmas day. I'll unleash it again if my motivation to exercise begins to wane.
DeleteIt's amazing what a profile view will do. I was a solid 180 with a gut and started walking. Now I'm a solid 179 but with much less gut. (Muscle weighs more than fat)
ReplyDeleteI have to imagine seeing myself in a onesie would have had similar reaction from me and much laughter from the kids.
WG
I'm a wobbly 210, but watch this space! It's amazing what a generous dose of vanity can do.
DeleteI struggle to believe that any man (particularly one over 40) can look anything other than ridiculous in a onesie.
Good for you Bryan! I too am in the process of loosing weight. I'm getting married sometime in the next year or so, and don't want people to confuse me with a beached wale while enjoying the sun on a tropical island. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI wish you success in your weight-loss program, Michael. Perhaps we can compare notes over the next few months as the poundage falls off us.
DeleteThat photo cracked me up, but it might have anyway, even without the little belly sticking out. But even though they are silly, I think I would love one of those! So snuggly :)
ReplyDeleteKeep up with the good work. I am just starting to finally run again myself.
I'm pleased that it amused - it had the same effect on my wife and kids!
DeleteIf it's any consolation, that isn't the worst thing I've seen all week.
ReplyDeleteYes, but as I pointed out to the other Stephen, I'm shallow and vain!
DeleteDude, I have bad news for you. No matter how much weight you lose, grown men still don't look good in a onesie.
ReplyDeleteI suspect you're write, Joe. But perhaps there are varying degrees of looking bad?
DeleteDude, 36 inch waist? That's anorexic compared to lots of guys.
ReplyDeleteYes my friend, I sure you're right. But most other guys aren't shallow and vain like me!
ReplyDeleteI can't help but wonder, if you'd run a whole lot faster if you ran in your new onsie? It's not that you look bad in it, but I think with it on, you would want to get off the street as quickly as possible?
ReplyDeleteAnd honestly, 36 inch isn't all that bad?
Ken, I don't think I'll be making public appearances in my onesie any time soon! But you're right, wearing it outside would certainly motivate me to quicken up.
DeleteGood for you, man! I had a similar awakening a month ago, and have been watching what I eat and exercising regularly. Feels good to sweat, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteNot sure yet that it feels good to sweat, Youngman. But once I've stopped panting like a bitch on heat, I do feel better for it.
Deletegood for you!!! good luck. feeling fit makes you feel better in many ways..
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the encouragement - I will need it to keep at it.
ReplyDeleteI looked at the photo and said to myself
ReplyDelete"Welcome to. My world"
It's reassuring to know I'm not alone, John.
DeleteThat photo is hilarious! I have never heard of a onesie aside from the ones babies wear. I have been on a fitness kick for about 9 months. I have lost 15 lbs and am at the gym often. And for the record Mr. Jones I have not given up one tiny drop of beer. It's all about the food. And that is the truth. If I may suggest a very funny and inspiring read try "Drop Dead Healthy" by A.J. Jacobs. I guarantee you will laugh out loud more than a few times and learn some great, reasonable tips about dropping some poundage!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Pam on your own weight-loss. I've no intention of giving up on beer - that would be a step too far! Thanks for the reference - I'll track it down.
DeleteBest wishes
Your good fortune may not be in cash, but in health. Best wishes.
ReplyDeleteYes, you're probably right, Charlotte.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the encouragement.
Over here from Hump Day Hook-up! I think I need to get my husband a onsie! Though, to his credit, he has lost 20 lbs since our friendly family challenge started Jan. 1. Perhaps it's because our team name is "Southern Flabs"....
ReplyDeleteWell, I certainly vouch for the onsie method. It was the Christmas-before-last and I remain 20 pounds lighter today. Humiliation and shame are potent motivators!
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping in.
Wow, I must get one of these! It may finally motivate me to get rid of my muffin top.
ReplyDeleteWomen - particularly those under the age of 30 - can look good in them. So you should be ok?
DeleteThanks for dropping by.