Thursday, 22 February 2018

The things my elderly mother shouts




My father had a fall last week and I accompanied him to the hospital, along with my 87-year-old mother. The old fella spent 4 hours in the resuscitation area of the Accident and Emergency Department - part of it in a cubicle, most of the time on a trolley in the corridor. My mother and I sat with him, perched on plastic chairs. Contrary to what you might expect, this extended period of waiting was rarely dull.



My lovely mum is hard of hearing and this long-term affliction, together with some short-term-memory loss, can cause confusion and disorientation. When she speaks she tend to shout, presumably as a consequence of her deafness. Also, as she gets older, she seems to be less inhibited about sharing what’s on her mind. While sitting in the crowded Accident and Emergency Department - surrounded by bleeping equipment, suction machines and the night’s ill and bleeding casualties - she announced the following:



  1. ‘LOOKING AT ALL THESE POOR SODS, WE DON’T KNOW HOW LUCKY WE ARE.’



  1. (When an obese nurse walked past and smiled in our direction) ‘GOODNESS, SHE’S A FAT LASS’.



  1. ‘I HOPE THESE CLICKS AND SQUISHING NOISES AREN’T GOING TO CONTINUE ALL NIGHT.’

I inform her that these noises are from emergency equipment that is keeping people alive. On hearing this, she expresses remorse, and says the Holy Trinity while making the sign of the cross.



(Thirty seconds later)  ‘THIS RACKET ISN’T GOING TO GO ON ALL NIGHT, IS IT? WHY DON'T THEY JUST TURN THEM OFF?’




  1. ‘SORRY, I’VE JUST TRUMPED – IT DOESN’T SMELL THOUGH’


5. (On being told that dad hasn't broken any bones and we can all go home, mum stands over dad and says) PICK YOUR FEET UP NEXT TIME, FAT ARSE - WE'RE NOT BRINGING YOU HERE AGAIN'.
    








Photo courtesy of PaulR at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

12 comments:

  1. Oh yes I can totally relate to what you are saying, we go through the same thing with my father-in-law when we take him out it is unreal the things that come out of his mouth, I have thought of doing a similar post about him...

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    1. I'm sure that a disinhibited elderly relative is a common feature of many people's lives. Imagine my mother and your father-in-law together in a hospital emergency department - doesn't bear thinking about.

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  2. Omgosh, what a character.
    I guess at her age, she can say whatever she damn well pleases.
    Right?
    x from Duluth.

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    1. Too right - whatever she damn well pleases.

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  3. Okay, I would have commented sooner but I've been laughing since I read this and telling everyone about it. This was so funny. I am not laughing AT your mom; I'm laughing at the situation and oh my gosh, how REAL this is. I want to say "poor you" but rather I'm going to say to enjoy her while you can because this will become a memory that makes you smile - later - really!! Hee hee hee!!

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    1. Yes, you're right LBD - I should enjoy these moments while I can. Delighted my post amused you. Take care.

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  4. Delightful lady, seriously! Amusing without intent. Reminds me of when I took my 83 year old father to Wendy's for lunch and bought him a Wendy's Double hamburger. As one of the employees was cleaning a table next to us, my father plops down the sandwich, wipes his hands with a napkin, and says, "I like Burger King better. They're easier to eat and get all over you." I doubt if he'll ever return to Wendy's. lol

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    1. Plain, honest speaking does seem to be a prominent feature of the elderly. Reminds me a bit of an older version of Jim Carey in the film 'Liar, Liar'.

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  5. OMG your mum is a riot!! I would get along famously with her, I'm sure.

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    1. I'm confident the two of you would get along just fine.

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  6. That's hilarious! Your post has made my day.

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    1. Thanks for the interest and feedback.

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