Tuesday 18 November 2014

Toilet cleaners and curiosity: a toxic combination

Courtesy of Simon Howden at
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’m at an age when I occasionally engage in life reviews, reflecting on my 56 years of meandering while trying to make sense of it all. In particular, I’ve ruminated on those times – rather more than you might think – where my actions have endangered life, either my own or that of others. One example of the former took place in the bathroom of my parents’ home 46 years ago.

As a 10 years old, I displayed an inquisitive mind; “why?”, “how?” and “what if?” were recurrent questions when faced with new situations or novel snippets of information. The brightly coloured bottles of bleach and toilet cleaners that lurked behind our lavatory had long since attracted my attention, particular that skull-and- crossbones warning about toxicity. So one afternoon, while I was home alone, I decided to investigate what all the fuss was about.

I picked up the “Domestic Thick Bleach” and “Ajax Powder” and proceeded to read the warnings on the two toilet cleaners:
Do not ingest – I looked up “ingest” in my pocket dictionary. Eating or drinking toilet cleaner! Did they think we’re all stupid or something?

Avoid contact with the skin and eyes – Fair enough; even as a young boy, I assumed that spillage on bodily parts might sting.

If accidentally swallowed, contact a doctor as a matter of urgency – I did wonder whether anyone would still have the power of speech to call emergency services in such a scenario.

Do not, under any circumstances, mix with other toilet cleaners – This warning intrigued me, triggering all my “Why?” and “What if?” queries. Frustratingly, no explanation was offered on the bottles. The labels’ failure to inform, along with my emerging interest in science, conspired to motivate me to conduct an in-house chemistry experiment.

I inserted the plastic plug into the bathroom washbasin and sprinkled a few layers of Ajax powder into the porcelain bowl. As I reached for the Domestos, my pulse accelerated with the excitement of discovery. I removed the red cap (the child-proof variety had yet to be invented), dispensed a few generous splashes of the viscous liquid onto the powder in the washbasin, and leant over to observe.

At first nothing happened and I recall feeling a sense of anticlimax. But then the mixture started to hiss, spit and bubble, while emitting a vapour which spiralled upwards towards my overhanging nostrils. The initial snort knocked me backwards, and I had to steady myself on the side of the bath. The bathroom filled with a dense fog. My legs crumpled and my breathing became laboured. In a daze, I crawled out of the bathroom on my hands and knees to reach safety.

Subsequently, I learnt that the green-white vapour was chlorine, one of the first poisonous gases to be used in warfare. My ad-hoc chemistry experiment had inadvertently transformed the family bathroom into a trench in the midst of the battle of Ypres in 1914.

By the time my parents returned, the chemical reaction had fizzled out. They said they could detect a stale smell throughout the house and accused me of smoking. I claimed that one of our neighbours had been burning rubbish in their garden and that this must be the source of the pong. They seemed to believe me; after all, it was a more plausible tale than the idea of some lunatic mixing toilet cleaners in the bathroom washbasin!            

26 comments:

  1. Hahahaha....curiosity is in all kids isn't it? Well, some adults too! My girlfriend washed her floor tiles with ammonia. She didn't like the way it looked so she washed it again with chlorine bleach. Next she was grabbing her baby out of the crib and running out the door when the floor started "smoking". At least you had an excuse!! Lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ammonia and chlorine is not a great combination to have in your living room! And a smoking floor must have been a disturbing sight.

      Delete
  2. I'm glad you weren't tempted to piss in the washbasin as well. Funny they accused you of smoking. Maybe you would have confessed if they'd accused you of farting instead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I'd have owned up to farting! If I'd pissed in the washbasin that would have added ammonia to the mix.

      Delete
  3. Interesting that you didn't become a professional chemist in the employment of a massive pharmaceutical company. You didn't, did you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, definitely not. Perhaps not a bad thing for the security of the planet.

      Delete
  4. Sadly, I think I have this dejected feeling of disappointment and curiosity every time I clean the toilet too! Toxic is putting it mildly! Hilarious piece Gary...thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Stephanie for reading and commenting. In those days, using these chemicals to clean the toilet was probably the last thing on my mind.

      Delete
  5. Yes adding ammonia to the mix would have definitely given it a different smell, now mind you this is not a challenge to investigate what that smell may be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Experiment 109: What will be the effects of pissing directly onto Jif toilet cleaner!!

      Delete
  6. Lucky you don't smoke. Might have lit a match and blown the place up!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Smoking is.I think, the only vice I've avoided.

    ReplyDelete
  8. OMGOSH,
    Haaaaaaaaaaa.
    I'll tell you the same thing I'd tell my boys, "YOU, Dumb Asses!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh gosh this is hilarious! I did something like this accidentally for my elderly mother. She hated the dirt in the tile grout of her bathroom. Nothing I had used before ever worked, so I decided to use a combo of strong chemicals such as bleach and ammonia to do the job. The vapors gagged me and immediately gave me a pounding headache. Lesson learned…..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, there is a rationale for the warnings on the labels!

      Delete
  10. Your childhood stories are always a pleasure to read. Uh...not because you almost died or anything.

    I'm looking forward to hearing about the time you locked your brother in a suitcase and THEN mixed a few household chemicals in there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Daniel, that's uncanny. How did you discover the nub of my next post!

      Delete
    2. I have connections. In high places. Now I've said too much.

      Delete
  11. You precocious little boy, you! I hope you spent the rest of your childhood in a gas mask during you're "experiments" in the bathroom. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know about precocious, Margaret; deranged, perhaps!

      Delete
  12. i LOVE this story. It's exactly what I would think a pre-teen boy would get up to it if his parents were gone. It also makes you realize that they put those warnings there because some whackjob has tried it! Thanks for the laugh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading, Melissa. Yes, I am indeed that whackjob the manufacturers have in mind when printing all those label warnings.

      Delete
  13. You've got me beat. All I ever did was blow up those funny-smelling balloons I found in my parents' nightstand. Boy oh boy was my father hacked off when he saw them all bouncing along the backyard in the wind.
    My mother, on the other hand, was quite relieved.
    I did wonder at the time why balloons needed reservoir tips.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Who are you trying to kid, Al; I'm sure you've done a lot worse than that! Come clean - you're amongst friends!

    ReplyDelete
  15. This sort of experiment is just the start a good comic book villain needs. Maybe you just missed your calling. Maybe a dash of Tobasco would have rendered you "Meno-Man," capable of great horror and destruction.

    ReplyDelete