Two days ago I reached the pinnacle of my writing career. No, not a blockbusting first novel (my sophisticated wit puts me out of reach of the masses). No, not the Man Booker prize (after all, any randomer can win that particular honor). Not even a poet laureate (as I like my ditties rude and rhyming). The wonderful accolade I have achieved (and I’m filling up as I type) is to be nominated for the Liebster Award by my creative blogging friend, Michael Mele – check out his blog at:
Michael proposed 11 profound questions - he should be a philosopher. I share my answers below:
Q1 How do you feel about taking a poop in a public restroom?
I only poop in the Jones' residence, usually in the toilet.
Q2 Have you ever stolen someone's lunch at work?
I wouldn't even consider such a heinous crime; my colleagues were all dirty buggers so I might have contracted some horrendous disease.
Q3 Do you fart in public?
Never when there are ladies around. Not even within earshot of Mrs Jones. I'm a gentleman, you see, like those fine fellows on Downton Abbey.
Q4 Stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk?
Tough one this, as I've not always conducted myself with dignity and decorum when under the influence. I've pissed in my parents' wardrobe (twice) and fell down a cavernous hole in the road - not on the same occasion.
Q5 Have you ever been to jail/prison?
No, absolutely not. I always manage to frame my friends.
Q6 Have you ever turned a pair of underwear inside out just to get another day out of them?
Don't wear any - I go commando.
Q7 Have you ever given a homeless person money just because you felt guilty, then afterwards saw them using it for alcohol and felt like an ass?
No - I never give them any money. I occasionally offer to buy them coffee and a croissant - that usually gets rid of them sharpish.
Q8 Would you rather get caught picking your nose of picking a wedgie?
I engage in neither. As an upstanding, respected, nay revered, member of my community it would be unforgivable.
Q9 Have you ever been in a house full of people who love you, only to feel sad because you didn't get any love on Facebook, Twitter or any other form of social media?
No, you can't miss what you've never had.
Q10 Have you ever voted for a president really expecting things to change for the better?
Yes, over 40 years ago when I still believed in Father Christmas.
Q11 When is the last time you wanted to punch somebody?
Never, I'm a man of peace. And besides, I could never have retained my stunning good looks going around punching people - after all, they'd hit me back twice as hard as my lame swipe.
Now for my 11 questions - and remember, you must be 100% honest, just like me??
Q1 How often do you go overboard with positive comments on someone's blog while thinking, in truth, it was a load of crap?
Q2 White wine or red?
Q3 Do you ever think, 'I'm writing comments on this blog on a regular basis and she's giving nothing back?'
Q4 If you could, which bit of your body would you exchange for something better?
Q5 Whisky or brandy?
Q6 When you reflect on your past life, do you ever wish you had slept with a few more people? (or is that just me??)
Q7 Which nationality of men/women do you find the most attractive?
Q8 How similar to your father /mother have you already become?
Q9 Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?
Q10 What's the most unusual/surprising thing you've ever found languishing in a body crevice?
Q11 If you could change one thing about your partner what would it be?
I'm now required to nominate bloggers to respond to my questions. The talented bunch I've opted for is as follows:
Can I Another Bottle of Whine with my morning quiet time?
laughing my abs off
Speaking up for the Underdog
Freaking incredible my friend...great job. I love your answers to the questions, very funny.ReplyDelete
I appreciate your generous feedback.Delete
1. If I have nothing good to say, I don't comment.ReplyDelete
2. Red wine for sure.
4. I'd love to have thinner legs!
5. Got sick on whisky once, so it would have to be brandy.
6. I slept around enough; been faithful to my husband for 30 years!
7. Some Afro-American men turn me on.....Tighe Diggs, for example.
8.Too similar already!
9. Dark chocolate!
10. Every time! I'm an eternal optimist!
11. Can't recall....I'm a non-violent person.
I hope you don't mind....I answered your questions for fun!
Answers that indicate you are a lady with integrity and sophistication!Delete
Thanks for particpipating.
Thanks for including me in this prestigious group. I've read many answers to questions from bloggers offering these awards and yours are among the most entertaining. I'm curious if you've heard from Jimmy at Jimmy's Opinions during the past few months.. It's been ages since I've heard from him even though I left a message on his blog.ReplyDelete
As always, I appreciate your support Stephen.Delete
I've not heard from Jimmy either. I went to his blog a few weeks back just to check whether he was still posting and I was no longer being alerted - but there were no recent posts. Maybe he's taken a blogging break?
Oh, boyoh! Thanks, Bryan!ReplyDelete
And I don't pick my nose or wedgies in public, but I sure as hell scratch my bum. That's something that deserves immediate attention despite the situation.
You're bob-on with that one, Chiz - an itchy arse (rather like Glen Close in Fatal Attractions) cannot be ignored!ReplyDelete
LOL I have another award for you on my site, too!ReplyDelete
Wow! I'm so excited. I'll be there in a moment.Delete
I love your answers! I can't believe the questions Michael gave you - OMG! I answered your questions on my post today. Thanks for the award!!ReplyDelete
I appreciate your time, Kate. I'm curious about your answers so I will come over to take a look soon.Delete
Tried to leave you a comment earlier but it might have gone into Spam. This is so funny! I have another award for you, too, on my site. Swing by and grab it!ReplyDelete
Ha, funny stuff, sir. I say this without thinking it was actually a load of crap, by the way.ReplyDelete
Also, thanks for the nomination! I can't promise I'll do a blog about it, since I've been doing a few too many of these award acceptance speeches. Although I'm tempted to try and answer the questions.
No problems, Daniel.Delete
Very awkward questions! Very fine answers! I have been remiss in attending the blogoshere in awhile so just read this today. Thanks Mr. Jones! I will answer the questions in a post. Finally, something to write about!ReplyDelete
My efforts have been truly rewarded if it levers you into blogging again!Delete
Hilarious! I found you via Menopausal Mama. I thought you were another menopausal man I graduated high school with by the name of Bryan Jones AND I couldn't believe he blogged without my knowledge. A different Bryan (I know, I know, a common name…) but anyhow, that's how I found you and stalked you a little bit.ReplyDelete
Thanks for dropping by, Talya, and your generous comment.Delete
Please continue with the stalking, I rather like it!
Will do! Just joined your blog:)Delete